Whispers in the Wind
by DesertsLastRose
Summary: For one, life is beautiful. For the other, life is meaningless. Hana Isano, grandaughter of the daimyo is sweet gentle and kind, never saw any misfortune. Gaara is the opposite. Will Hana be able to heal Gaara and for how long will her fragile peace last?
1. The Beginning

**The Beginning**

The heat, I can remember, was so unbearable. It remains so vividly ingrained in my memory as the hottest I can recall, even now. It was so hot that every parent closed their doors and tried to lock their children inside. When that failed miserably, we were all given enormous, swelled water-skins to carry with us. One parent decided to give a child a water balloon, unleashing our youthful havoc upon the village as an all out water-war ensued, all of us using our water skins when we had no water balloons.

I remember how unfortunate I was that day, drenched head to toe in water and barely any of my water depleted. Just as the sun first began to disappear far out behind the distant sand, a truce was called, everyone else's water was gone. Now that the temperature was much much cooler with the disappearing sun, we all decided it would be a good idea to build something out of the damp sand we created all around the village as our war took us all over.

As 99.9% of all the children there wanted to become shinobi, the natural choice was sand fortresses.

Rin, my best friend was as dry as I was damp when I found her, or rather she found me. Eagerly she wanted to make the best fort out of all the students. That's how it was with her, always wanting to be the best out of everything, and just about always, she was. She was working on a monstrosity of a pillar and I a moat when I first noticed him.

A flash of dusky red in my peripheral vision.

I could hardly make out his shape. The glow of the waning sun seemed to make him entirely crimson, but I hardly noticed. The only thing my mind could really comprehend was that he was all by himself. Alone. He didn't look to be wet at all, drier than even Rin and no one was playing with him, not even playing _near_ him. He was all by himself. He was hunched over, looking away from our group and towards the dimming sun.

"Hey, Rin?" I called the attention of my friend, she looked up to me from her masterpiece. "Can you wait here for a second?" I asked, still looking at the lonely crimson silhouette.

"Um... why?" She sounded somewhat disappointed. I whipped my head towards her, pulling on a smile.

"Because I wanna go ask that boy over there," I stated and moved my eyes back to his somber figure "if he wants to play with us." If I looked to her, I surely would have seen the horror that conquered her face. "He's all by himself," I continued, brushing sand off my hands and knees as I stood up. "I don't think that's very fair." I finished and started walking over to where he was, only to be stopped by Rin's cold hand gripping my wrist.

"_Maybe _you should just leave him alone." She whispered out. I cocked my head to the side, not comprehending at all why I should.

"How come?"

"_Maybe_ he wants to be alone." She responded without hesitation, voice sure and icy. I couldn't help but smile at her. How silly she was.

"Don't be silly, Rin. _No one_ wants to be all alone. No one. And_ if _he really did want to be alone, why would he come sit by where we are all playing?" I asked. "Why wouldn't he go somewhere else, where he really would be alone?" Rin looked at my smiling face for a long stretched second, eyes hard until it they crumpled in defeat. My smile grew bigger as she dropped my hand and I began, once again to meet the boy, oblivious to the dozens of eyes watching my precision.

As I drew closer, I could make out features more clearly. That flash of dusky red I had seen had been the shade of his unruly hair. From the size of his small body, I figured that he couldn't be any older than I could. He had dark circles around his dazzlingly cerulean orbs. They were the purist, most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen. His face was blank and undeniably beautiful.

"Hello, do you mind if I sit next to you?" The boy slowly, almost cautiously, turned around. His face turned over in surprise as he took me in. I sat down. "My name is Hana, Hana Isano." I said with a bright smile. The boy was staring at me still, in shock.

"... Isano?" He whispered out after a stretched pause.

"Mhmm. _**Hana **_Isano. What's your name?" My smile didn't drop. I couldn't help but be exuberant, I was making a new friend.

"Gaara." He stated shortly after staring at me for a minute longer, almost as though he didn't believe I was real.

"Gaara? That's different. Whatcha doing here all alone?"

"Uh-" I hardly gave him breathe to answer before I plowed into my next question, getting more and more excited as each second passed. Surely with three people working on the Fortress, we'd have the best. That'd make even Rin happy.

"Do you wanna come play with me? We're building sand forts over there. You could help me and my best friend, Rin, finish ours! Rin's right-" I was about to show him Rin, yet when I looked back to where we had been, she had disappeared. I turned back to Gaara, it's not like she would have went far.

"Um-"

"It's _really_ fun. I was just making a moat, you could help with a bridge, or the towers! I promise it will be great fun. Much more fun than sitting here all by yourself, anyways. Oh! I do you want some water? It's not _that _hot anymore, but I have a whole bunch left."

"Didn't you use that already?" He asked, the first full sentence a question. "In the water throwing?" Heat immediately flooded my face.

"Well, uh... It's not that I didn't try, but um... I wasn't so good. But that's okay, I mean it's not like I'll need water-throwing skills for anything! Plus it just means that I have more to share with you now! It's still really cool, my dad is a shinobi and he-" I voice was over-ruled by a piercing shriek in the air. I looked towards the sound. First I registered that Rin was back, but she wasn't looking at me, she was glaring at Gaara. My mother was in front of her, horror written on her face.

I remember thinking what could have made her scream.

"Gaara, that's my mom! She looks really..._**scared**_." However the word did not do the emotions on her face any justice, she was beyond scared, far beyond terrified. So frightened that she held a mixture of desperation, fear and hopelessness on her face. I turned back to Gaara and couldn't help but notice the pain that was in his eyes and soon all over his face.

"Hana!" She cried out shrilly, her voice edged with hysteria. She looked like she was going to cry. I stood up and took a step forward. A step away from Gaara and towards her. "Hana!" She cried out and bounded towards me.

"I'm sorry Mom, I'm sorry for scaring you, I didn't mean it!" I was completely oblivious, but then again, I was so young. "I just wanted to talk to my new friend Gaara. Don-" Before I could finish, the wind was knocked out of me as my mothers arms locked around me. She was running the other way before I could even blink. I struggled in her arms, she was holding me so tightly I could just barely breathe.

"S-stop mom!" I gasped out wriggling vainly in her constricting grip. "I didn't get," I paused, trying to breathe. "to say... goodbye." I managed to turn myself around in her arms, my face towards my newest friend. His back was to me, his face to the sunset, his silhouette ablaze with red.

It was just as I found him.

Just as if I never came.


	2. Happy Birthday!

**Happy Birthday!**

My reflection shines back at me in the mirror, my brown hair is, for once, swept out of my face and a red ribbon and barrettes pin it securely back. My silk kimono is a soft pale blue decorated with forget-me-nots of various darker shades. A small pink obi holds me together. With all the blue I am wearing, my normally grey eyes jump out beneath my long dark lashes as a bright blue.

But maybe that's just how I am feeling: bright blue. Happy.

"Hana, are you done? You're going to be late!" My mother cries from downstairs. I smile slightly. _Finally_ my twelfth birthday. Every single one of my friends turned twelve long before I did. It is a curse to be so young. I pick a daisy, a happy flower ~almost as happy as I am~ from my windowsill garden and slip it into my hair. The hair that my mother, with gentle and warm hands, had carefully styled.

"Hana, hurry up!" My mother cries out again, just as I am scurrying down the stairs. In my rush, I manage to slip over my trailing kimono, sending myself falling down the stairs.

"Just as elegant as always, my Hana." I can't help the vibrant blush that litters my face as I stare up at my chuckling father. "I suppose it's a good thing after all that you didn't enter the academy, as you still can't walk on your two feet." He adds, lending me one of his rare crinkly-eye smiles, I can't help but return it.

"It's because my feet are so small!" I proclaim, hands on hips. I must look silly as I defend myself because both mother and father laugh heartily at me. My smile can do nothing but stretch. It's so good that my father is home, because when he isn't there's no laughter. Just worry. I throw my arms around him. "I'm so happy you're home!"

"Did you think that I would miss my little flower's birthday?" He asks, still beaming. "Twelve is a big number. Do you think you're ready?"

"Oh, yes I know I am. Everyone else turned twelve already so I know just what to do. I could be like Rin and act like I don't care, or I could be like Hakudochi and think I'm the best thing ever. I could even be like Kai-" A finger silences me in the middle of my rant.

"What's wrong with be Hana as a twelve year old?" My father asks chuckling. I smile again.

"Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with that. But you want to know something? I don't think I even care that it's my birthday anymore. I'm just so happy that you're home and safe! It's the best birthday present I could have gotten! I think everyone else should just go home now, so you me and mother can all spend the day together. I mean they-" Again, a warm, calloused finger silences me.

"Hana, a lot of people came all the way here just to see _you_ on _**your**_ birthday. How do you think they'd feel if you just sent them home, saying you didn't want to see them?"

"I don't think they would be very happy, maybe even sad. I wouldn't like that."

"See? You can't drop everything just because I came home."

"But you might-" I stop myself the second I see his musty sand head shaking.

"Little Hana, this is _your_ special day." I let a pout fall over my face before I allow myself to consent to his words.

"Okay, okay." I say with a sigh, giving in. Then I scrunch up my face and poke him lightly in the chest. "But you better have gotten me something good!" I run down the rest of the stairs and out the screen door; faintly hearing my mother call after me.

"Don't run Hana! You'll ruin your hair!" My dad chuckle at her.

The rest of my family is waiting for me. But I don't go to them. I make a sharp left instead of the right where they are located and I end up at the opposite side of my house, where Rin told me she would be waiting for me.

"My my, don't you look pretty." She is taunting me and I know it. She thinks kimonos are impractical. To her, _all _pretty things are impractical.

"Thanks!" I say breathlessly and gave her my trademark smile, as if I don't know she is mocking my very existence. It's the best way to handle it.

"Oh, and uh, Happy Birthday." She is smirking now, and I just note how light her tone is. It is pleasant, and unlike her.

"Thank you!" I instantly chime, ignoring the suspicion swimming in my stomach like fish in the sea. She's never this happy."You know, I became a genin today." She says it slyly. She was carefully, discreetly boasting.

"You aced it?!" I exclaim, truly thrilled.

"Naturally." She states nonchalantly. I give her an excited clap and squeal. Her smirk lifts a little higher. "It was easy. Even _you_ could have passed it."

"Congratulations! I'm so happy for you, really!" I say exuberantly. "Guess what?" She raises one pale brow quizzically, interested. "My dad's home!" I nearly spun around in glee, it was the best thing that could happen, for him to be home. And on my birthday of all times. I can't help but notice how quickly her face falls when I state that though.

"Really?" Her voice is bleak, as bleak as parchment. "That's a nice surprise, but" she pauses, smirking again. "I have a better one." Instantly my interest is sparked. Mischief dances in her icy eyes.

"W-what is it?" I ask. Her smirk grows by leaps and bounds with each passing second.

"The twelve birthday dares, _duh_."

"...The twelve birthday dares?" She nods her head to my inquiry, still smirking. "What are they, and how come I never heard of them?"

"Well, usually it's reserved strictly for those training to be a shinobi. A bonding thing, or whatever I guess. A tradition, I suppose."

"How come I get them then?"

"Because, the **other **genin decided that you should, since you're friends with every person who breathes oxygen." She spits it out like it is an insult, then again to her, it probably is an insult.

"What are they, the dares?" I ask, ignoring her taunts again. Rin isn't big on letting people get close to her. I've known her my entire life and I hardly know anything about her, but I do know how she acts. She really doesn't mean the things she does. She just enjoys being distant.

"Well, you won't know until they're given to you." That is the only answer I will be able to get from her.

"Oh, I don't know if I can," I say, my father's words coming back to me. _"Hana, a lot of people came all the way here just to see you on your birthday." _I fidgeted nervously under her glare. "A lot of people came today just to see me, I can't just leave. It'd be really rude."

"That's why **they** planned it for after your birthday party. _**They**_ really want you in on this." I gnaw on my bottom lip. I certainly am curious enough, but..."But my dad just got home! He might leave again in the morning! I want to spend all the time I can with him!"

"If you're chicken, just say so." She determines, coolly glaring.

"I am not chicken!" I declare softly, Rin knows all the right buttons to push. She knows that I loathe to be called chicken. Ever since I decided not to become a ninja, all my friends were convinced I had been afraid and resorted to calling me 'chicken' or clucking whenever they would see me for the longest time. I know it was just an innocent childhood thing, but it still hurt. "You know what?! I'd do it right now-"

"I knew you'd say that!" Rin smirks slyly through her words, appearing to be overly satisfied with herself. She starts walking away, towards the outskirts of the village. I chow more frantically on my lip. "Come on then! We're doing it now!" Rin calls back to me, before she starts walking again. I look behind me, seeing my mother, with worry lines all over her pretty face. She's probably looking for me. I can barely see Rin anymore.

"Hey, wait up!"


	3. Lucky Number Twelve

_Author's Note: I have decided to give a shout out up here for Gaaras1Girl, because she is awesome and reviewed my story, twice! Thanks, you rock!_

**Lucky Number Twelve**

The wind should know, better than anyone, how to bite with coldness. But on that empty rooftop as the stars just begin to light the sky, I slowly learn Rin, my friend, my best friend, is even colder.

My birthday kimono, a gift from my mother that had been a gift to her on her twelfth birthday from her father, my grandfather, Lord of the Land of Wind, is torn, and sand covered from the days brutal activities. Rin was right. They are impractical.

I want to cry. I am so, so cold. It is dark. I am alone. All alone on my twelfth birthday, abandoned by my friends like an unwanted toy. I want to cry, but I have already, and it solved nothing. More than anything, I want to go home, to be hugged by my mother and father, to even hear them yell at me for all the troubles I caused them today. But I can't, because of that twelfth dare. The last stupid dare. Rin's terrible dare.

_"Spend the entire outside. Away from your all family, without anyone there. Stay out all night, all alone. That's my dare_." Her voice seems to haunt the wind and continuously goad me. Repeating itself over and over inside my head.

"In one day I successfully managed to disrespect the all Village Elders, even the Kazekage himself." I murmur out, more for the sake of hearing something in the blackness of the night and ease the stab of loneliness. "Even worse, I managed to ruin my own birthday and at the same time, ruin my family's good opinion of me for... forever.

"Mom must be so upset, because, because of me." I choke on a sob. I don't care about being lonely anymore as I bury my face in the soft object in my hand. My bitter prize. A teddy bear.

Oh yes, this teddy bear, so obviously, is my destruction. The other dares were nothing compared to this one. I should have realized that this had went to far the moment the new academy student, the little child Matsuri's lips moved in the command of the eleventh dare: _"Steal anything, no, something important. Really important that is... Gaara's. Gaara of the Desert's_." My hands shake with fear.

I remember Gaara.

The boy all alone.

I don't have that rational fear that everyone I know has, my mother and Rin in particular. But I know that he could kill. And I know that he has killed, and probably will again, and again. But I also know there has to be a reason.

I always asked _"Why would he kill me?"_

It's not like I have done anything wrong, no reason to get him upset over me ~ at least there wasn't until now.

My hands grip the teddy bear tighter, tears dripping onto it. I should have stopped, but I didn't. What possessed me?

_"Okay Hana, each of us will assign you a, task. Think of them as mini-missions, twelve of them. If at anytime you fail to complete a mission, a dare, it's game over, but whose ever dare it was, will be allowed to publicly humiliate you in a way they seem fit._

_"But it won't only be them, it'll also be everyone else who you haven't dared you yet either. For example, if you complete the first dare successfully, but then fail the second, the person who dared you, plus the remaining ten will each get to devise some form of public humiliation for ya."_ Hakudochi, Rin's favorite elder brother had explained to me with a wink.

That's when I should have said **no** to begin with. Right then and there.

"_Of course at anytime you can choose to chicken out Hana, it's what you are after all, but if you do-_

"_You'll lose ever single one of us as a friend."_ Rin's voice cuts through the black night like a blade of ice._ "We'll hate your spinelessness and we'll hate you."_ I shiver unintentionally.

The worst task had been easy. Far too easy. Kankuro, one of the three sand siblings, a genin, and the number ten dare me, had put forth his simple task ~ To survive a dinner with his family. A lump had gathered in my throat then, but even more so when Matsuri pulled me aside and whispered death into my ear.

The dinner was quiet and uneventful, in fact the real survival was forcing whatever the food was in front of me down me throat and bearing the dreadful silence. It hadn't been the type of silence I was used to. Not the silence of worry when my mother and I sit at the table together when father is far away on some mission. That quiet was eerie, thick with tension, fear and almost, dare I even think it, hate. At the table was just me, Gaara and three others.

Two siblings who feared their younger brother, and a father that hated his son.

Gaara didn't say a word, didn't even look my way.

I don't think he remembered me, and for some reason that kind of hurt. I wished he did. Maybe we could talk again, or look at the sunset like we did when I was so young. Maybe we could be friends again.

But we can't be now. Not after what I've done.

Like I said, it had been easy to steal the teddy bear. It should've been harder, impossible, but it wasn't. It was easy. In the middle of dinner, I had excused myself. I said I needed to use the bathroom, I didn't pay mind to where Temari told me to go.

It didn't matter.

I wasn't going there anyway.

A right here and a left there, did it matter? No. I found myself wishing as I opened door after door with no luck that I would never find his room. But, after only three doors, I was swamped with a feeling. It had to be his room. It was barren, and lonely. No bed, whose else could it be?

No one's.

There was really nothing there, nothing looked important. A dresser with nothing on top of it. A mirror, cracked. My heart swelled with emotion. I had wanted to cry. I felt so bad for him. But then in front of the mirror, a picture. It was of a woman, smiling. She was so beautiful, and so happy... so out of place in the grim world surrounding her. I wanted to know who she was, but the horrible thought came to mind.

It's obviously dear to Gaara, how could it not be?

My fingers touched the cool wood frame and picked it up. It'd be easy to conceal too. It's the practical thing to take. Most practical to complete the impractical. But I had put the photo back down. I couldn't bring myself to do it. It looked too special. Too precious.

I resigned myself to open the closet, the hinges creaked and the handle was covered in dust. There were a few clothes hanging up, but they looked to be untouched. I pushed past them and stepped into the closet.

I tripped and landed face first on, not the hard floor, but on small box. I opened it. I looked in, and then, I grabbed it, the important something and tucked it into my obi. Hiding it from the world as best I could.

Suddenly, I pull myself out of my regretful thoughts. The air at my back is cooler. Like a ghost stands directly behind me. I slowly, almost painfully slow, lift my face away from the plush bear and twist my neck to see in my peripheral vision, a familar flash of dusky red.

This time, he speaks first, and the statement makes every drop of blood in my body freeze and all my breath to fly right out of me into the still night.

"You stole from me."


	4. Dawn

_Author's Note: If you noticed, I normally only do one chapter a day, but since Gaaras1Girl is so awesome (and very angry with me for that last chapter!) I decided to post this one today too! Hope you like it!_

**Dawn**

My heart must be destined to burst out from my chest ~ what other excuse could it possibly have for beating so hard? I slowly, very cautiously turn my body completely around, painfully alert, to gaze up at him. My eyes widen as I take in his face. This can't be real, _he _can't be real.

It just isn't possible.

It can't be possible.

His eyes are as beautiful as I remember them to be, that shocking cerulean. They move, no, they _glide_ with a serene liquid grace that is just as elegant as a pond's ripple, if not more. It's the same. They are the same as I remember, but there is one devastating difference in them.

One that makes all the difference.

They do not belong to an innocent, confused and lonely little boy anymore. The pair belongs to a cold, spiteful and terrifying ~ No, I can't believe that. If I believe that, then... then it is the end for me.

"Why don't you run?" His voice is like the dead talking ~ it chills my every bone. My tongue is too heavy to move, my lips too dry to part, my mind too frantic to form any sort of response, to even think to run for my life. I just continue to stare at him in disbelief.

It just isn't possible.

I can't be possible.

But I am not stupid, well, not at least entirely.

I know that there would be no point in running. What use will it be to run from the host of the One-Tailed Shukaku when sand covers every inch of my only escape? Besides, it's not as if I can just jump off a roof anyways. On shaky knees, I slowly stand up.

"I want to give it back to you," I hug the bear closer to my chest as I speak. I should be dead by now ~ every tale I had heard about the deaths Gaara dealt were sudden, without hesitation. But I am not dead. He hasn't moved from his position, arms crossed and eyes burning. "But ~"

It takes only a second for everything to change. For his face to contort, but before he moves his arms, I save my life.

I finish my sentence.

"I can't. I want to, but I can't the dare~" I cut myself off right then and there. Unable to continue as invisible bonds sew my lips tightly shut.

_"Oh, and don't forget Hana, if you tell anyone, anyone at all about these dares..._

How can think of that at such a time? My life is on the line! Stupid dares don't matter!

_We'll have to do something very regrettable to your dear mother."_

Oh, yeah.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry." I am babbling, crying, saying sorry in an endless cycle. But I'm not begging, I'm simply apologizing. I don't really go into detail, not about why I took the bear or why I am apologizing. The stupid rules of the stupid dares. But whatever I am doing, it must have struck a spot, because the moment my liquid lips mumble "Mom," his entire countenance changes.

I hang my head before I continue to speak, unable to look at those apathetic eyes anymore.

"I should have asked, and I know it was so wrong of me to steal, but I had to, I can't tell you why I had to, but please... please just believe me. I had to, and I really do want to give it back to you, but I-I'm not allowed. Oh, I'm sorry, I wish I didn't do it. I really do, and after being in your room, it was so ~ sad. And that picture~" I stop myself short, or rather the echoing, distant scream halts me entirely.

My tongue stops moving, my lips stop framing words. My breathe stops in my lung, my eyes stop leaking. My heart stops in my chest.

I realize things in a weird order.

At that moment, I notice that Gaara is gone. He just left. He didn't even say goodbye. That scream, I have heard it before, the agonized and brief scream of being crushed by sand. I realize the teddy bear is still in my arms, pressing so deeply into my chest it ought to meld into my skin. And then I realize, I am still alive.

I am breathing heavily, shaking all over, bleeding from the scrapes on my ankles where sand had clawed at them, but I am alive. Alive.

And all those things ~ the pain, the blood and the uncontrollable shake ~ make it all the more obvious of my continued life. But then harsh reality of that truth crushes like a tidal wave onto me ~ I am alive. Free to live for more days. But because of that, someone else isn't.

The scream... That was supposed to have been me.

The blood pumping through my veins turns into ice. The teddy slips from my suddenly sweaty palms and my weak, foolish knees give out. Then, before I can do anything about it, my body jars as I slide off the roof.

So fast.

The shingles scrape my chin, dig into my left side, and grate like sandpaper against my entire left leg. I know I have to be reaching the end of the roof soon, how long can it go on? And into the open air, where gravity can claim me.

It's ironic I escape death by Gaara's hand, only to die falling off a roof by my own.

But in a fleeting moment before death captures me, I grab the ledge of the roof, hanging on to life with one hand like a raisin's last attempt to cling to a vine. To my left, like hope, the sun peaks out from underneath the horizon unleashing gentle pinks and purples into the sky.

Dawn.

I have survived my last dare.

Sunrise to sunset.

I scream the moment my hand slips.


	5. Worry Wort

_Authors Note**: **For the absolutely awesome reviews, I send lots of love to Gaaras1Girl and KataraUchiha, thanks so much, you two are the absolute best! Also, I want to thank all of my readers, you're all my favorite people on this whole sight! This chapter, to me, is rather uneventful, so I plan on updating to six (equally uneventful) but I have to put them in because they go with the overall plot and are really important in establishing character more, well my characters anyways! Now that I've been writing up here forever, I might as well give you name definitions! Hana means flower, the last name Isano, means this one to help you (yup, I'm corny enough to do that) Satomi, I'm going with the Kanji spelling that means Village Beauty. Ryuu means Dragon. Rin means cold and I think that's all I've introduced so far, right? Anyways, enjoy the latest update, Chapter Five, Worry Wort of Whispers in the Wind!_

**Worry Wart**

I hear a voice. One that seems so familiar, like I should I know it, but I can't place it. Fog still holds me under countless layers. I feel a sudden urge to open my eyes.

"Misses, it doesn't~" But it seems like they are being held down my lead weights and as if I will never be able to open them.

"Why isn't she waking up yet?!" Again that voice enters my ears. I struggle to open my eyes again, if I can't place the voice, I'm sure to be able to place the face. But again, my efforts are in vain, my eyes are just too heavy.

"_Well_, she's~"

"Oh, when will she wake up?!" That voice that is at the front of brain but just out of reach, ends the other one short again. It's starting to irate me, I _should_ know this voice, I **do** know this voice, but, I just can't grasp it.

"Listen, I am only a~"

"Why was she even up on that roof?!" Whoever she is, she sounds very worried. I wonder who she is worried for?

"How I am~" The voice that always follows the one en grained in my mind, but so unclear to me, sounds tight and restricted. As if the cycle of questions asked then more has been going around for a few hours now.

"How come she wasn't at home?! Why was she out so late? Why was she so far away? How come she wasn't at home with her father and I, safe and unharmed? Why?!"

"Alright, I've put up with you for five hours now, and I can't take it anymore! **I am a nurse!**_ Not_ a physic! I don't know why you're daughter was away from home all night long, but talking to you, I can see why she might! But what I know for sure is that fact that this child has four fractured ribs, a broken ankle, a dislocated shoulder and a she is absolutely covered, head to toe, in scrapes and bruises!

"You see, I really don't care about _how _she got these injuries, the only thing I care about is fixing them! And of course, the bill!" With that, the friction filled voice turns on sharp heels, stomping away. I heard a sound remarkable similar to a curtain being pulled and someone tripping over it, a few curse words and then more storming as they made a grand exit.

Still, I can't open my eyes.

Then I hear a sound the make my heart plummet to my chest. It's a sound I have heard only once before and I will never be able to forget. It sound like someone is making little bird noises and in between them, sniffling and gasping.

"Mom?" How could I have not noticed I was her? Her worrying tone sets her apart from anyone I know. But the best thing that happens is that the moment my chapped lips part with the endearment, the little bird noises stop.

My mother stops crying.

Instantly, I feel soft hands grab my own. I wince ~ it hurts. But I squeeze back anyways, even if I hadn't been able to be sure of who it was before, I am now. Everything about my mother is soft, her gray eyes, her black hair, her skin, her kimono, her movements, _everything_. No one has the same tenderness to them. How could I not of known her?

"Hana, Hana! Are you awake?" She is breathless, but some of the tears linger in her voice. My heart wrenches again, I am the cause of this.

"Yes, mom, I'm awake. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to cry, I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to make you worry, I didn't mean for any of it. I'm sorry." I know I am making little sense, but sorry is one word I can say so easily, one word I can put so much truth and sincerity behind. Guilt wrecks apart my heart effortlessly.

"Shhh, Hana. Hush, relax," She coos out, her hand gently caressing the side of my face. "I'm okay, no need to be sorry for that. Just relax." It takes me a moment to settle down, but after a few more apologies, I fall into silence. "Hana… my little girl, tell me what you were doing up on that roof. Tell me why you weren't at home." My lips form a stretched line. I feel them crack and bleed.

I know I can't tell my mother the truth. I remember what my so called friends promised. But I can't lie to her either.

I have never lied to her.

I don't ever want to.

"Oh, you're bleeding! Does it hurt to talk? I'll get you some water." I feel her loosen her grip, she's going to leave me. I hold her tighter. I don't want to be alone. "Oh, _hun_," She murmurs out weakly, sounding devastated. But she stays, and goes back to toying with my hair.

"Hana, please, tell me. Why weren't you at home?"

Silence greets her answer. I feel like I'm on the verge on tears.

"Hana, please, why ~"

"She's awake!" My eyes instantly find the strength to fly open, instantly, I see the smiling face of my father.

"Dad!" I cry out.

"Had a little tumble, eh?" Relief floods into me, if he were to question me too, I don't know what I would do. But he's joking around, far from serious.

"Just off roof! Nothing too serious!" I protest with a fumbling smile on my lips. I tremble in pain when I try to move.

"Satomi, why don't you go get Hana some water, she looks parched." My father's voice is stern, unlike the one he had been using with me just a moment prior. But I don't miss the hand that he places on her shoulder or the kiss he put on her cheek. He whispers something in her ear I can't hear. She nods to him but turns to me and smiles. There is sadness in her pretty eyes, the eyes that she gave to me, but then she gets up and walks out of the enclosed area.

"Hmm, nothing too serious?" He asks it softly. Looking after the way my mother exited, his back to me. "Funny, it seems to me like it is very serious." He is now looking right at me, his eyes of sand sharp and critical.

"Dad?" I call out, trying to reach him. My voice scraps against my throat.

"Hana, I know you can't tell me the truth, so I won't make you lie. I was twelve once, but I didn't think, given that you choose not be a ninja… but as it Rin came to me the moment you were checked in." He pauses, looking down. "She is... very worried, and… sorry."

"Rin?" Another layer of guilt sweeps me. I had been so set on not forgiving her and this whole time she has been, remorseful, something that she never has been before. He nods at my inquiry.

"Now, Hana, I need you to tell me the truth. This is very important." His eyes lock with my own again. There is nothing but severe determination in his eyes. A sort of fire. It frightens me. I have never seen his eyes like that before, never in my life. It is almost as if another person has stepped inside his soul and has taken over. "Did that _monster_, Gaara, do this to you?"


	6. For Reasons Unknown

_Author's Note: I spoil you guys. Well, here is chapter six, alot better than I orginally thought! So, on top of me not getting any sleep last night, updating to chapter five, writing ten thousand words plus for two essays, a half hour ago I donated blood and nearly fainted twice. I think I got enough accomplished today where I can just go to my apartment in a little while, drink some water, go to my landlords potluck, read my Geology textbook for a while and then go to bed. That's right, no third chapter. Maybe some other day if I get (might as well bribe you guys into it) twenty different people to write reviews! (Aside, Gaaras1Girl, I'll say after that I'm evil 3!) Now please, enjoy chapter six!_

**For Reasons Unknown**

"What?" I heard him perfectly clear, but at the same time I wasn't sure I heard him at all. My heart beat is drumming in my ears, making the white room surrounding me spin into grays.

"Hana," I have never seen his brown eyes so sharp. "the Kazekage has given me a special mission. Before I accept or decline it, I need to know. Did the container of the one tailed beast do this to you?"

"No." Maybe my answer is to quick, or too breathless, but he isn't content with it. No matter how true of an answer it is.

"Hana, don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying, dad, I swear." Still my answers must be too quick for his satisfaction because The Sand Dragon, Ryuu Isano, my father, is relentless.

"Hana, Rin told me all about Matsuri's dare. The teddy bear," The object which has caused so much calamity is innocently in his hand. "It is his, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is his." Fire ignites in his eyes, whatever the special mission the Kazekage gave him, he looks willing to accept it now. I can only imagine what it is. It's not a secret of the Kage's wish to destroy the flesh and blood he created. "But he didn't do this to me!" My father doesn't look like he believes me. "Do you honestly think I would be alive if he attacked me? What skill do I have to spare myself? You know, even better than me, that Gaara," I hate having to say this, but, I have no choice. "Gaara never just injures people," It is like lead in my throat. I don't want to say it, mostly because I don't want to believe it. "He, he…" I can't say it.

For some reason my eyes are all blurry with tears.

"So whatever the mission is dad, don't do it. Please, it's not worth it, whatever it is. I swear, Gaara didn't hurt me. I was just being clumsy like usual. Believe me, I mean, I'm alive, aren't I?" He is silent for a long while, his eyes flickering as if a battle rages within them. "Please Daddy." Then as suddenly and unwarned as a lightning strike, the mask of the Sand Dragon falls off and he is instantly my father again; smiling that crinkly eyed smile of his.

"Of course, if that's what you want Hana." His lips bush my forehead, it both comforts and reassures me. "Get some sleep Hana, you have a long road to recovery ahead of you."

It doesn't take me more than a few confused minutes to slip into the welcoming warm world of unconsciousness after my father leaves me, but before I do, I swear, out of the corners of my heavy eyes, I see that familiar flash of dusky red. I smile before oblivion takes me, whispering his name into the air.

...

When my father had said that I had a long recovery ahead of me, I didn't know how true the simple statement really was.

It's been three weeks now and only yesterday was I granted the bliss of mobility. Never again will I take walking, dancing, running, twirling, bicycling, or even standing, for granted. I have but watch the sun creep by and the moon arise in a ceaseless pattern.

My garden is over-run with weeds and starving for water.

However, despite it all, I haven't been in want of company. Just about everyone who 'dared' me came to express there apologies and renew our friendship.

Yet some came more than others. Rin's sister and oldest of the Sayaka children, Fuu came three times, bearing home baked sweets from their mother. Kohaku, the second eldest and a chuunin and Hakudochi, the youngest with the exception of Rin, came more times than I can count, always bringing me flowers or chocolates.

They never ceased to brighten my day.

Even two of the three Sand Siblings came, it was a painful visit at first, but only because I interrogated them about Gaara's wellbeing. Yet Kankuro was able to make jest of my bedridden situation and the company they gave me thereafter was rather enjoyable.

Yet Rin, my 'remorseful' best friend hasn't come to visit me yet.

I can't allow myself to think to hard on it. I mean, she is probably just very caught up in her training… Slipped her mind is all…

"Are you hungry Hana?" My mother asks, her voice coming from my room. I have been moved to the lower level of our obscenely large house. The guest room is my temporary room for the duration of my recovery, or at least until I am able to climb up the five shallow steps that lead to my room.

"Not right now, but Mom, could you go grab my garden for me? I need to go re-pot it." In less than a moment, she is downstairs, my parched flowers already in hand. As always, worry has made a path across her small heart-shaped face.

"But Hana, the greenhouse is quite the ways away, are you sure you can make it?" Even her voice is a little higher than usual.

"I think so," I state with a smile and a nod. "But just in case, if I scream, that means I have fallen and I can't get up!" I am teasing her, but she doesn't grasp that. It's just beyond her reach.

"Hana, maybe you should-"

"I'll be fine, promise mom!" I start moving on my crutches and before she can finish her words, I'm out the door.

I sigh as I dig my hands into the dry soil, whispering apologies to the starved flowers. But even though I am remorseful for not tending to my plants better, I am still blissful. I start to hum a lullaby my mother sang to me when I was younger. I always hum it when I am in here.I love being the greenhouse, my mother had started it when she was a child, but after I was born, it fell into disrepair, but when I was eight, my mother took me out back here, humming our lullaby, and I haven't been able to pull myself away since.

But what is best is the fact that not only hundreds of plants keep me company here, but there are also birds that take shelter from the harsh winds and pretty koi carp of all colors are in a pond surrounded deep purple heart and mango Calla lilies.

"Hmm hm hm hmm hmmm! Never let it-" My soft voice cuts itself off when a sound that I have never heard inside the greenhouse faintly reaches my ear drums. It had been no louder than a whisper. My heart beat picks up as I listen hard, waiting for it to happen again.

It doesn't. But that doesn't take off my nervous edge. It had been a gentle rustle, akin to the way the sand moves on the wind. A sound I have grown accustom to living in the desert for all my life, but never have I heard it in the greenhouse, the only place I know to be entirely absent of sand.

I force a smile, I'm acting foolish. I know very well there is no sand in here, and nothing to cause sand to move. I shake my head and force out a laugh and my silliness and pour fresh soil into my miniature garden.

A pale hand on the table, directly across from my own, forces my heart to jump into my throat.

"Hana Isano."

Unconsciously, I let out a scream and fall backwards. I place a hand on my erratic heart and close my eyes. I have to fight off the web of pain that scorches through my upper abdomen with the jar. I open them again slowly, taking in everything from red to cerulean.

If it's possible, Gaara of the Desert looks more tired than when I had last seen him.

"Gaara." I wait for my heart to slow down before I speak again. "W-what are doing here?" It doesn't appear as if he is going to answer me. He closes his eyes, scowling.

"Did you know what your father's mission was?" Puzzlement enter my brain. _What Mission?_

"Huh?" I never know my father's missions, he never tells me, not ever, expect… _"… the Kazekage has given me a special mission."_ The heart I just slowed picks up again more fervently. "No, no, he, he~ he didn't. He told me, he told me no, he said that he wasn't going to. He didn't."

If my father took the mission to kill Gaara, that would mean the he is ~

"He refused to accept the mission." With blurry eyes, I look back up at Gaara, his back is facing me now. "He refused because, or at least he told my father he refused because his daughter asked him to... "But I was there, I know that you weren't asking anything of him, you were begging." He turns as sharply as a knife with such a fiery mien I cannot look away. "Why did you?"

"I, um, well, I~" My mind is a blank as white paper and my cheeks hot as a summer day.

"Hana?! Hana, I heard you scream, did you fall?" It's amazing that neither of us heard her enter, but the moment the water vase slips from her hands and falls onto the green grass, our eyes lock onto her.

Before she even has a chance to scream, the rustling occurs again and I know he is vanishing in a cloud of sand.

Gone.


	7. Rebel

_Author's Note: Well here is Chapter Seven! Sorry I didn't post ealier today, I got home and had to pay rent, set up my classes for the Spring Semester, do a few back flips, think about cleaning my room for a good twenty mintues, then not do it and curl up by vent and almost fall asleep, finally I got on my bed all comfy cozy and actually fell asleep. Now I'm up, and now this is posted!_

**Rebel**

After that, my mother was out of her mind. She dropped her basket completely. It didn't take long for the infection to spread either. When my father came home from his mission, one that didn't involve Gaara at all, it was decided between the two of them that from that day forward, as long as I lived beneath their roof, I was forbidden to ever see Gaara again.

Needless to say, I was furious, and I still am.

"Hana, won't you come down for dinner?" I am back in my room, no longer on crutches, in fact the only remembrance of my 'accident' is the sling containing my arm, a small thin scar on my hairline that will eventually fade away into nothing, and a twinge of pain every now and again.

"No." I know I am acting childish and stubborn, but it doesn't stop me. I haven't dined with my family since their decision, a week ago, choosing to eat in my room all alone instead.

"Hana, this is your father's last day home before he leaves on another mission, don't you want to see him? You haven't even talked to him since he came home." Guilt is my mother's most effective weapon, but only because I allow it to fester in my brain and eat away at my heart.

Needless to say, my mother usually wins with that blade on her side.

I don't answer her though, because I don't trust my mouth, I'm sure that if I open up, I'll betray my cause and if that is so, I'll never be able to see Gaara again. But I wonder, why do I even want to see him again? We don't even know each other, really, I doubt he even remembers that we are friends, so it means that we were friends. He doesn't care about me, he doesn't care about anyone, so I shouldn't care about him…

But then again, if he doesn't care, if we aren't friends, why did he spare my life? Why didn't he just kill me? Why did he come visit me when I was in the hospital? I mean, the teddy bear he probably wanted, he didn't collect. I pick up the soft object. It has an eye missing and is ripped in several places.

I know that it has to be important to him, no matter what it looks like, but I can only being to wonder why. If really weren't friends, why would he just leave it with me? Why did he come to see me again, in the greenhouse?

And if I shouldn't care about him, why do I have the unreasonable urge to befriend him? Why do I not want him to be alone? Why do I wish to take all his suffering away, even if it meant putting it all on me?

"Hana this is ridiculous, that boy is a monster! He doesn't care about you! He cares for nothing, nothing but himself!" I hear her stomping away, but it seems more like she is crying.

"Liar." I whisper out, knowing she can't hear me. I sit down on my bed, fiddling with the teddy bear. "She is lying." I repeat to the pitiful bear, willingly the words to be true, that I'm not putting false hope in Gaara.

I slowly lay down on my bed, not even bothering to cover up and be warm. I'll be cold anyways. However, one thing is able to keep me warm, the one small thing that connects me to Gaara, my friend. I hug it close against my chest. "Gaara really does care." I determine softly, falling asleep.

...

Normally, I sleep very well at night, but lately ~ probably because of pain ~ I've been fitful. My dreams have been… weird. It's like the entire time I sleep, I am haunted by something, as if I am searching for something, someone but I am unable to find them no matter how hard I may look.

I usually wake up because I've fallen off my bed with all my tossing and turning and normally it wouldn't hurt, but due to my remaining injuries, it hurts a lot. It's most likely why my collarbone in still unhealed.

So tonight is no different then the five other nights, I wake to impact with hardwood.

But it is not the only thing I wake to.

My breath is lodged in my throat as I look out the window, or rather, look at the place where the window should be because his body effectively blocks the outside world from peering in.

And me peering out.

"Gaara." I whisper out, blushing like mad and scurrying to my feet. My sudden movements jar my arms, making me suck in air due to pain.

"You shouldn't move so fast." The sound of his voice invites my heart to beat three times faster than usual. I have to admit, those weren't the first words I expected to hear from a boy crouched in my window. I would expect to hear some strangled hello and a long drawn out explanation of why are they're here. Then again, Gaara isn't an average boy. He never will be.

"Yeah, probably. Um," I didn't know how to word myself without appearing rude, but, how can I not be when in a situation such as this? Is it even possible? "What are you doing here?" Since the words can't be changed in this circumstance, the only thing I can do is watch my tone, keep it pleasant, unsurprised and unafraid.

Basically the opposite of everything I am feeling.

"You never answered me." My heart stops all together at his words, my mind racing back to our conversation in the greenhouse.

"Because, it was the truth, you didn't push me off the roof."

_You didn't even want to kill me._

"Anyone else would have said I did." His eyes are pools of calm and collected sea water, analytical and deceitful. They do not convey what his mind is thinking underneath them. "Anyone else would have gladly put the blame on me… An attempt on the life of the Daimyo's docile granddaughter… It would fuel more hatred towards me than ever before."

"I don't understand."

"It would be another reason for my father to kill me. To send someone who could perhaps do the job, so tell me the real reason. Was it fear for your father's life?" His eyes are closed but his brow is creased in fury.

I don't answer. I wasn't afraid for my father's life until I saw Gaara in the greenhouse. I was afraid then that my father had went ahead with the mission and he like at the other ninja before him, was killed. But at the hospital, when I first learned about the mission…

It wasn't my father's life I feared for.

"Answer." He growls out.

"No, that wasn't it." For some reason, I am crying.

"Then what is it?" His entire face contorts in rage. "Tell me now!" He demands, cradling his head with his left palm like he's in pain.

"You're scaring me." I whisper out, choking on tears. I don't know what it is, but something inside him snaps. He stalks toward me, a predator closing in on it's cornered prey. The only thing I can do is shrink into myself. He looks wild.

"Scaring you? That scares you?" His hands grab me by the shoulders. "Do you have any idea what I am?" It's remarkable that his voice can be so frightening and at the same time, so quiet. It's even more remarkable that I don't scream out and save myself from his wrath.

This break in his carefully constructed sanity.

"Are you toying with me? Just pretending you care? Tell me why you protected me!" He roughly shakes me again, causing pain to sear like fire in my veins. "Tell me!"

"Because you're my friend." Just as suddenly as he turned hostile, he steps away from back from me, all calm cool and collected with a poet's tranquility. I slip to the floor like string like a puppet who's string who were cut off. I have to look away from him to stop crying.

"And I let myself think I was yours too. But I was wrong, I thought my mother was lying, but I was the real liar." I tie my hands in knots before looking back at him. "I can't be your friend! No one can, because you can't care for anyone. Anyone but yourself." There is a vague twinge of something in his boundless eyes, something that doesn't belong within Gaara of the Desert's eyes.

Traitor tears slip out of the corners of my own.

"I don't blame you for it though." I force out a smile, rubbing my eyes, trying to make them stop leaking. "Please, go now. You have what you wanted. You have your answer." Without another word, he vanishes through the window he came as silent as the summer's breeze.

...

"Hana?" I stop walking towards him at the sound, head hung. My father is dressed in full Jonin gear, placing one last Kunai into the leather pouch around his waist. "What are you doing out? I thought you were locking yourself away for all eternity." I can hear the laughter in his voice, but it doesn't matter. I collide with his chest, warping my one small arm around him as best as I can, crying into his stomach.

"I'm sorry dad, I was being stupid. I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

"Hana, Hana, Hana, little flower," I can hear the smile in his voice. "There is nothing to forgive." He kisses my forehead. "Now I need to leave, but I'll most likely be back tonight, so we can all have diner together, okay?"

I nod my head, backing away from him with a smile.

"Good luck on your mission dad." I tell him.

"I don't need luck today Hana, but thank you." He pulls me into a half hug again. "Go talk to your mother, okay? She was beside herself over this." My brow creases with guilt.

I forgot, I made her cry again.

My father kisses my forehead again then leaves through the door without saying goodbye.

Then again, he never has.

I turn away from the door and slowly make my way to the upper level.

"Mom?"


	8. Oh, The Excitement

Oh, The Excitement  
That sad, sad look that, she wore so well, is imprinted in my mind. No matter where I may go, regardless if it's in light or darkness, nor what time of day it may be, it burns my eyes.

It's been constantly reminding me of my monstrosity for little less than a week now.

I shouldn't care how deep blue her eyes were, how somber they looked compared to their usual brightness. I shouldn't have even peered through her window every night now, assuring she was fine. I shouldn't care that she calls out my name in horror while she sleeps. I shouldn't care at all.

_You can't care for anyone but yourself._

That's right, she was correct. I, Gaara of the Desert care for one singular object on this world. **Me.** In all reality, there are only few things of importance, myself, my hatred, and my burning desire to live; to feel that rush after each life I take.

These are all that matter.

But still, her lips quivering, her dark eyes shining with tears, those sad creases in her brow~ the sight is forefront of my mind. It's all I see. Next to assault my mindis the picture of her falling to the floor in anguish, and the taste terror igniting the air. Then the repetition of her rosy lips calling into the darkness from her slumber; all of it is a broken film reel playing over and over in my head.

And it's not the familiar hatred I feel in my mind it~ it issomething else, a new and different feeling…

_What is it?_

Ha-ha-ha, little boy, you're feeling remorse. Regret. That girl isn't worth it. Ha-ha-ha, she was annoying. You should have just killed her;. You Should have let her screams echo and her blood spill. She's a nuisance! Don't pity her…

Kill her!

The image is back in my head. Her small self crumbled on the floor like a dead flower, crying, making noises like a little bird. Vulnerable. It reminds me… It reminds me of… when…

I grab my head, Shukaku is pulsating within me, filling my blood with the familiar lust, the urge to destroy. He is hammering all of my fragile sanity to just destroy her, to end the feeling swelling inside me, to cease the recollections that are flooding back to me.

You kill her, you kill the past, the feelings…

The memories.

_…_

"Gaara?" I turn sharply at the soft, hesitant and unexpected voice. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts with Shukaku, I didn't even hear her approach. The blue eyes of my sister are studying me, but in the back of my mind, I see _hers_ again, shining like stars. So preoccupied, I don't bother to answer Temari, then again, I probably wouldn't of anyways.

"Baki-sensei has requested to speak with all of us, you, Kankuro, and I." Despite how meek and careful her voice is, she looks completely lax, leaning against the door frame and checking her freshly manicured nails. Unlike me, Father adores her.

She gets anything she wants.

But I don't hold it against her. How can I when she looks so much like the only other thing I care for, the woman who gave me life and a purpose? I glare at her anyways, nodding. Yet another mission.

I wonder if I'll be able to kill anyone with nice blood.

_That_ should distract my turbulent mind.

"This Mission is of the utmost importance and will save our village. Understandably, you mustn't tell a soul about anything discussed in this room. This is the Village Hidden In The Sand's chance to restore it's power and to ensure our future safety. It will be very dangerous, but there is a reason why we, Team Baki are doing this mission. We are the best ninja in this village, your father, Lord Kazakage hand picked this team, do we all accept?

Silence stretches over us for a moment.

Regardless of what they decide, boy, we want, no, we need to do this, THE BLOOD! BA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! It'll be beautiful, I'm oh so excited for it, how simply delicious it will be! AHA-HA-HA!

"I accept." I am aware of the wicked grin on my face, just the prospect of all the blood… It's driving me insane with exhilaration. My other two siblings follow my consent with wordless nods. I can tell from there faces they are worried, but why should I care?

I don't.

"Gaara," Baki has a hard look on his face, eyeing me critically. I don't appreciate it at all. "You will need to stay in perfect control in order for this mission to succeed, can I trust that you will be able to control yourself?" I sneer at him, but his resolve doesn't falter. I look away from him in agitation with a slight nod.

Baki smiles murmuring a "good". He leaves, saying he is going to report to the Kazakage the good news, that the mission is a 'go'.

What a killjoy!

_… I agree, however, I assure you, he won't stand in the way in the least._

HA-HA-HA, no one ever has! No one ever will!

Without warning, the image I have been suppressing blurs to the front of my sight, I almost lose my balance.

"What a pity Temari, if only you took the chuunin exam last year." The annoying voice of my older brother pulls me away from my thoughts. For the first time, I am grateful towards him. Yet that won't keep me in the same room as him.

His presence irritates me.

"Yeah, if only. Doesn't matter now though, we got bigger issues to deal with now." I am aware that both there eyes lock on my back. "Gaara, my little brother," Temari is trying to pull of the strings that link us together as siblings. She should know I burned those strings long ago. "Are you positive you can control yourself?"

My only answer is a glare of hate in her direction. "I already agreed I would. Don't ask me again, or…" I let that sinister grin take hold on my face again. Fear lights up of their faces like fireworks.

Ha-ha-ha, now we're back in business!

"H-how about we all go pack? I mean, we're leaving in the morning?" Without even acknowledging Kankuro's words, I leave the room, arms folded and eyes closed. I have found it's a more effective way to block out a sad and tormented face.

Instead, behind the closed lids, my mind brings up a happy face.

One that I had met many years ago, as a child.

It recalls the joyful face of my first and only friend.

The only person who had ever cared.

And the one person I crushed the most.

Hana Isano.


	9. A Dignified Name

_Author's Note: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry it took me so long to update! I've been wiped out every time I had a chance to sit down and type, so I've been able to crank out a few hundred words at a time before falling asleep at the keyboard (I literally did that last night, only to be awaken by my apartment alarm going off at two in the morning!) Anyways, even though chapter nine is here, , I've got some bad news. I won't be able to go crazy and make-up post like I ought to, and the updates might even be slow like this one. I've got a massive Geology Lecture exam tomorrow that I need to study for, plus I've got another essay due on Thursday, a math test on Monday, so that means I have to do three quizzes and 150 homework questions before than and possibly a camping trip this weekend. (I do know for certain that I am camping the 16-17th, as well as the 23rd-25th, busy, busy!) Like I said before, I'm really sorry chapter nine took so long (I partly think that it took so long because I really don't like it at all, but I needed to write it for the sake of the overall plot, so...) but here it is now, and the longest chapter so far! Again, I'm really sorry about how long it took me to update, and that it might take me a little while to update again._

**A Dignified Name**

"Can't you at least tell me where we're going?" I ask, or rather whine. Three days ago my mother told me we were accompanying my father on a mission. A vacation for us. Ever since, she has been slipping in hints as to where we might be going like _"Oh no, it'll be too warm for that there!"_ or _"It's not as hot there as it is here, it's so shaded over there."_

"Hana, it wouldn't be a surprise if we told you." My mother declares serenely while taking a sip of tea. Despite her innocent gestures, her eyes are sparkling with mischief. She's enjoying teasing me.

"But, if I don't know where we are going, how can I know what to pack?" The coy question slips out of my mouth. The corners of her mouth twitch upwards ever so slightly.

"Hana, I had to annoy your father for an entire week to get him to take us along on this assignment. The one condition he is letting us come is to have it be a surprise for you. Would you rather know where we would have been going and not go, or would you rather wait, go, and see for yourself?"

"Neither really, I'd rather just know, no strings attached." I reply glumly with a sigh. "But, if I have to choose, I suppose I'd rather see for myself."

"Satomi, you enjoy torturing her too much." Both my mother and I jump at my Father's voice. Both of us recover from our shock at a dizzying rate and identical grins fly onto our faces.

"Ryuu, you're home early!" My mother stands up and walks towards him, floating in her long pearl colored kimono. "Lunch isn't prepared yet, Hana and I didn't expect you for another hour."

"Well, you were so insistent on us leaving today, that I hurried through my mission. It was only B-rank, so it wasn't very difficult." His eyes appraise the elegant form in front of him, as if he just noticed her. "'You look lovelier than usual today. Not very practical for traveling though. What's the occasion, did you change your mind?" My mother gives him another smile, her secret one.

"Just making sure _you_ don't change _your_ mind is all, dear." She states, walking up to him, her movements like a light dance.

"I still wish you two wouldn't come, I'm not sure on how safe ~" He shakes his head to clear his thoughts, sand falling out of hair as he does so. "But you have made me weak. I can't deny you this." My mother's smile grows and she places her peachy lips onto my father's for a brief moment.

"You can't deny me anything." She whispers while brushing the tips of her fingers along his hairline. Abruptly, she turns around and beckons to me with a wink. "Come Hana, I'll help you pack!"

It's always been like that, between father and her. With just a movement, she can bend him to her will. Now that I think about it, she can bend anyone to their will with just a movement. It's not just how pretty she is, but something about the way she moves, the look in her gemstone eyes and her manner of speaking.

And in another movement, she'll break the spell leaving the entranced and all who witnessed her mystified.

"Hana!" I scramble to catch up with her. Once in my room, I find that she already had laid out a few clothes. Three kimonos, a pair of shorts, a skirt, a few pajama's and a long sleeved shirt. "Get out two suitcases. I expect that will be enough for our trip."

"How long are we leaving for?" I ask, she lifts her thin brow at me.

"I thought you were just going to wait and see."

"I am, I am! But I just want to know how long we'll be gone, so I can tell all my friends how long I won't be home. That way, they won't come looking for me or anything when I'm not here and waste their time."

"Always considerate, my Hana." She smiles softly at me and strokes my hair with a sigh. "So unlike me. And your hair is so light. It's not mine, my mother's or even her mother's hair." She cups my chin in her palm, critically examining every feature of my face. "But everything else about you is mine."

"Mom?"

"Hana, there's something I need you to understand. Will you listen to me?" I nod my head and she smiles once again. "You are aware that you are the granddaughter of the Daimyo, yes?"

"Of course mom."

"And you know what that means?"

"It means that since he is the ruler of the Land of Wind, more powerful than even the Kazekage, that I must try extra hard to behave so I disappoint anyone, because any shame on me is shame him."

"Yes, that's true. Anything else?" I bite my lip. What else is there to know? This is what I have lived my life by up to a few weeks ago, when I took up Rin's offer on the dare. When I unintentionally opened a window.

But that doesn't matter now, I've firmly shut the window.

I've locked it and lost the key.

I'm back to living as I as should be.

"No, I don't think there is anything else." My mother's soft smile dips down a little, her eyes seem far away and distant.

"There is much, much more. So much I haven't told you, Hana. Have you realized that you have no Uncles or any Aunts related to me by blood, none that bear my maiden name, Shima?" I shake my head, I haven't noticed. Then again, I never really thought about it until this moment. She sighs.

"Because I am a girl born to my mother and the Daimyo I am naturally _Hime_, princess, to th,e Land of Wind. Yet, that title wouldn't ever pass down to you. Females don't carry sucession. I would have had to marry a first born prince of another land for that to occur, in fact, I was supposed to." A sly smile comes to her face and her eyes dance with mirth. "He was a fool, Otaku, the prince of the Land of Tea. Luckily for his country he had an accident and passed away and his younger brother, Tomo, I think his name was, took over for him, but that's all a story for another time." The mirth that was in her eyes a second ago suddenly becomes lost.

"I was the first and only child born to my mother and the Daimyo. They were not able to give birth to anymore after me. My mother became very ill shortly after I was delivered and was unable to carry anymore children.

"Because of that, I am heir to be Daimyo, and given certain privileges because of this fact, which is why I was able to marry your father. It would not do to give over power of one country to another. But also because I am heiress, I have many more restrictions." Her whole face crumples with that simple sentence. "There are only three living beings that have Shima blood in them; your grandfather, Lord of the Land of Wind, myself, Hime Satomi Shima, and _you_, Hana Isano." Her soft hand rests on my cheek.

"Through me, _you _are also a Shima. _You _are also a princess." She manages a strained smile. "Besides myself, you are the only heiress, Hana. I never told you because I didn't think you were old enough, I wanted you to have something I didn't." Her smile becomes impossibly more strained. "But your grandfather determined that it is time you learn. After the accident ~" That's become the quietly accepted reference for the night I fell off the roof. "he fears you are in danger of becoming ruined. That is the real reason why we are going with your father, the Daimyo wishes to formerly assess the situation and, of course, to met you." I slowly sit down on my bed, staring at my hands.

My nails have black dirt beneath them and it's also caked in around my cuticles.

My hands had been working in my garden earlier.

All this time they belonged to an heiress.

"Does Dad know?" They're the only words I can speak. It's the only thing I can think of to say. Nothing can descirbe what I'm thinking.

"He knows who I am, but I doubt he ever thought about what that makes you. We came to the Village Hidden in the Sand as an escape from it all. We have never had to think about anything beyond our oasis here…" She trails off, a deep longing in her somber eyes. I grab her hand.

"It's okay Mom. I won't tell Dad. Everything will be alright." She looks back at with a smile, trying to cover up the worry in her eyes.

"Well," She states, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles in her kimono and adjusting her still perfect hair. "I suppose the least I can do for you now is to tell you about your father's mission. You should be able to come up with where we are going after that, no?" Her voice is slightly shaky. "He is going to be a proctor for the upcoming Chunin exams, and also he's to be a guard for the Kazekage while we are there. You know where the exams were held last year?"

"They were held here." I answer, I notice that my voice is slightly detached too. It sounds just as false as my mother's.

"Yes, so that means that they will be where this year Hana?"

"I'm not sure."

"Think Hana. Who does the Land of Wind have the best affiliation with? Who comes after us?"

"The Land of Fire?" Her lips form a tight smile at my uncertain response. "So, that means the exams will be held in their hidden village, the Village Hidden in the Leaves." We both shine smiles at the other, trying to share a happy moment.

We both fail, miserably.

"You can pack for yourself, now that you know where we are going." She leaves the room without another word, just a rustle of silk as her kimono trails behind her.

After she's gone, my heart hears the words my mother couldn't muster up enough courage to say.

For me, childhood is now over.

No more running around in the sand. No more climbing up onto the roof and counting the stars at night. No more dancing without purpose. No more speaking every thought that comes to mind. No more laughing at every little thing that makes me happy.

I look down at my dirty hands.

They'll need to be washed.

No more Hana.


	10. Hope

**Hope**

I'm still in shock.

I don't know what to really think or really what to feel. Part of me wants to be sad, a large part; but that wouldn't solve anything. Plus, if I act sad, Mother would know why and it would upset her all over again. I don't want to upset her again.

The water is too cold on my hands as I rinse them.

It's better to just pull on a strong face, pretend that everything is okay. After all, didn't I promise Mom that I wouldn't tell Dad? If I start acting all downcast, then he'll know something's wrong. And if he were to ask I wouldn't be able to lie.

I slowly stretch a smile across my face, testing if I can pull off the masquerade.

The reflection that stares back at me startles me. It's the same as always. I half expected it to be of a different person, but there's no difference.

Everything is still the same.

I let out a tight breath and turn away from the phantom face.

In a few hours, I have just about filled all the suitcases with a few shorts and shirts, but primarily with finely woven yukata, and many different silk kimonos, many of my favorite komon, three or four iromuji as well as my two best homongi. I want to pack my most expensive and prettiest furisode; I'll wear that when I am to first meet my grandfather, the Daimyo.

It would have been the kimono that that I ruined on my birthday, a gift from my mother from the Daimyo himself, but since the "accident" it's no longer my best.

In fact, I haven't seen that kimono since. But I have one other furisode. It has flowing white silk at the top, with falling soft pink and white flower petals until it reaches giant bouquets of blossoms on my calf which gradually fade to a solid striking red. The obi which holds it together is a soft mossy green with little pink blossoms.

There's really only one problem with it.

I can not find it.

Not in the closet. Not on the closet floor. Not in the dresser. Not behind the dresser. Not hanging on the linen line. Not in the attic. Not with the dirty clothes. Not in Mother and Father's room.

Nowhere.

Not in the kitchen, in cupboards or the fridge, not- _Unless…_

I race back up into my room and slide onto my knees. Wildly I grab beneath my bed. It's too dark to see underneath it, and the only thing I am finding is dust. _Finally_, my hands connect with something soft. My chest swells with triumph, knowing I have at last found the missing furisode, or at least some part of it.

When my eyes set upon it; my heart skips a few solemn beats and regret fills me. "_You can't care for anyone. Anyone but yourself." _My words haunt me now.

How could I have said that? How could I when I knew him so long ago, so vulnerable and alone, when his eyes, so full of hate now, had been so full of sadness and fear? Had he cared only for himself then?

_No_, I don't believe that.

Before I even know what I am doing, my legs are rushing out of the house; whirl winding past my dad and mom. Captive in my arms is the teddy bear; an apology eager on my lips.

The Kazekage's home is threatening. Even more threatening than the first time I visited. Eyes of exalted shinobi train on me as I walk up into the building, and up countless dizzying stairs; teddy bear still clutched in my arms.

"State your business." Sharp eyes survey me. My lower lips trembles and I fill with ice

"I need to speak with the Kazekage." I manage to whisper out. His eyes measure me.

"What business a little girl like you have with the Kazekage?"

"I need to ask him a question." What else am I to say? I want to know where his son, no, not the moderately sane one, the homicidal one, Gaara, yup, that one, is. Why? Oh, because I want to give him this teddy bear and apologize. Why do I have to apologize? Because I told him he was selfish and I stole this bear from him of course.

They'd think I'm crazy.

"The Kazekage is busy now, running the village and all. Why don't you run on home?"

"W-well, I -"

"Jirobo; let her pass." The cold voice of the Kazekage cuts through the air. I had never heard the ninja Lord speak before now, but I didn't expect the voice to be so frightening.

"My lord?!"

"Don't you know who she is?" He laughs slightly, calmly, but something inside me wants to explode. "The grand-daughter of our beloved Daimyo... Let her pass." He steps aside, reluctance on every inch of him and I move ahead, almsost as reluctantly through the beaded veil that leads me to the Kazekage's office.

Everything is neat and orderly, not a single thing out of place. Well, except me. I take stock of myself and realize that my yukata is desperately disheveled, my hair sweeping down all over the place and my breathing erratic.

My heart jumps when the Kazekage's eyes survey's me behind his mask.

He chuckles; cold and sinister.

"Tell me child, what is it that you want?" It's like he sucked all the air out of my lungs when he spoke with his frosty voice. I struggle to form words.

"Lord Kazekage, I, I was wondering if you-" I chomp down onto my lower lip, words ceasing.

"Yes?"

"If you could please tell me where Gaara is?"

"Gaara? Who is he and why would I know where he is?" My eyes widen in amazement. _Impossible, he doesn't know who Gaara is? Impossible!_

"Your, your son… Gaara, the youngest of your children." I mumble out, as if that statement would remind him, even though it shouldn't have needed to be said in the first place. He laughs once again.

"Ah, yes. The container of the one tailed, of course." He cocks his head to the side. "Why do you wish to see _it_?" For some reason, I feel hot. My cheeks are red with blush and I have to fight down the feeling to yell at this man, the Kazekage.

"I have something of his to give him, plus… I would like to apologize to him. I said something rather cruel to him." The Kazakage studies me before once again delivering that awful chuckle onto me.

"How touching." He voice sounds remarkably like Rin's when she compliments me. "But I fear you are too late. Gaara has been sent away to attend the Chunin exams… if I am not mistaken, you and your mother are accompanying your father as he departs today for the Village Hidden in the Leaves?"

"Y-yes. That's true." He chuckles again.

"Then you may find that you'll come across Gaara during your stay there. You may leave now." Really there was no 'may' in what he said; that was a flat and irrefutable dismissal. I rush to the door as quickly as I can, for some reason needing to escape those piercing eyes.

"Actually, one more thing." I freeze and turn my head, making contact with that too cold pair of eyes. A mouth I cannot see continues. "I have a request of you. When you see your grand-father, little Shima, tell him I said thank you… That is all." My limbs fill with heat and next thing I know, I am back in my room, sitting on my bed breathing heavily and trembling.

I think that this is the first time that…

That I have ever been so scared.

"_Ah, yes. The container of the one tailed, of course. Why do you wish to see __it__?" _

And that I have ever hated a person, let alone so much.


End file.
